Call it cliche, but I'm trying to remember to enjoy the little things right now -- especially after having a death-planning conversation with my wife this week. So tonight I had the best baba ghanoush I've ever had, and now I'm enjoying a delicious Legion Imperial Stout from Community Brewing in Dallas. Little things do make a difference.
I have my second consult with the other neurosurgeon tomorrow; he is apparently the expert at carving up skulls, and we get to talk about how he'll cut up mine before the osteoplastics surgeon (who I have an appointment with in two weeks) gets to rebuild it. I am scared; I'm afraid that I'll walk in tomorrow and get told they misread everything and my head is full of cancerous cells or something. I'm panicking a bit, I know. Doesn't help that I've had headaches at work two days this week bad enough that I had to wear sunglasses.
Speaking of which, I turned in a reasonable accommodation request at work to get out from under the Giant Shriekingly Bright Fluorescents From Hell and confused them -- because fucking everywhere at my work is lit with the GSBFFH except for the enclosed offices. (They are too, but you can turn them off individually.) They'll have to come up with a solution; if they don't want to give me an office to use (and those are, shall we say, high prestige placements?) then we'll need another solution.
Emotionally, I'm tired. Stressed. Worn. I find myself getting irritated a little easier. My aggravation threshold is lower; my patience with people getting pissy over little shit is MUCH thinner. I want to get a tee-shirt that says 'FUCKING GET OVER IT; I HAVE A BRAIN TUMOR'. I'll bet I could sell a shit-ton of those on Etsy...
The death plan conversation sucks. You are a good man to face having it early. Gives a little time for it to sink in, face reconsideration, come to the point of acceptance. We all hope it never comes to that point, yet we all know maybe not today but tomorrow or the next day that time will come. We should all be prepared.
ReplyDeleteWhy though wait so long? January seems so far away.
Two reasons.
Delete1) The holidays. I want to have time with my family before the surgery. I'm in no immediate danger from the tumor. It's also my busiest time at work.
2) We have to coordinate the schedules of four surgeons, maybe five. Moving it a few months out makes that easier.
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DeleteThe death plan conversation sucks. You are a good man to face having it early. Gives a little time for it to sink in, face reconsideration, come to the point of acceptance. We all hope it never comes to that point, yet we all know maybe not today but tomorrow or the next day that time will come. We should all be prepared.
ReplyDeleteWhy though wait so long? January seems so far away.