Boxing Day kinda sucks.

I hate the day after Christmas. It's always slow, and shadowy, and anticlimactic. Today is no exception; it has seemed like I was thinking through sand and not really emotionally together. Not an easy day by any means. There's this huge emotional letdown; the whole lights and tinsel and gifts thing is over, and I'm left with torn wrapping paper and stale cookies.

This year's worse. I am definitely off my game emotionally today.

But let's back up. It's been a while since I posted, oh faithful readers, so you need a news update.

FMLA Paperwork is in and approved. My official last day at work is January 15, and I'm not scheduled to return until sometime between February 20 and March 15, depending on how recovery goes. This will suck, because I do not have short term disability. We are going to be hurting for money, and I'm feeling a great deal of guilt around that. I'm feeling even more because we had gotten mostly out of debt, and now -- well, forget it. Despite having insurance, this is going to put us back right into the Magic Land Of Monthly Payments. I'm guessing somewhere around $20,000 total for everything once we get done? But it's a pure guess, and I could be wrong in either direction.

Anyone want to host a benefit? :P

Meanwhile, physical symptoms continue to be what they are. I'm still having vertigo and headaches, and my vision is intermittently blurry. It is what it is, and I'm dealing with it. All of my pre- and post-op appointments are set, and I know about how long I'll be in the hospital -- 3-5 days is what it looks like. I'm planning on getting my head shaved the second week of January so that that's done.

And this week I'm going to get my will written. Just in case.

So amidst all this planning and detail work and careful consideration I'm feeling really crushed and overwhelmed. The money stuff is really scary. The will thing is almost as scary; I won't need it, but I'm doing it anyway. The concept of someone drilling into my head -- yeah, that remains unpleasant as hell. And lately that very slight chance of malignancy has developed its own insidious whisper, just to remind me that it could be even worse...

It's going to be a long three weeks until January 19th.